We have a rule at our basketball camps, and it’s the most important one of the week. That rule is “Be Inclusive”, and by being inclusive I mean if there’s a kid sitting by himself/herself during lunch someone better be making their way over to join them. If a new camper is shooting around alone at a basket, I want someone to go over and make sure they have a partner. We never leave anyone behind, and if this rule is broken there is going to be hell to pay. Our players have to know the importance of being inclusive on and off the court.
The picture I used for this blog saddens me for a couple of reasons. Yes the kids sitting alone by himself is sad, but look at the other kids in the background. They all have their backs to him, the picture makes it seem as though this poor kid is invisible to the other children. It also saddens me because growing up I remember how many times I saw this kid. He was sitting alone in the cafeteria, or in the back of the classroom, and I did nothing. I sat down with my buddies and ate. I watched everyone get picked instead of this same kid in gym class, and thank god silently that I wasn’t him. I don’t like going back in the past because there’s a reason why things happen, but I wish I could go back for that. I wish I could go back and tell younger Cornell to invite this kid to his lunch table.
Being inclusive doesn’t take a lot of effort. It’s as easy as just saying hi and sitting down next to someone. Most kids aren’t taught empathy. My mom use to say “put yourself in their shoes”, whenever I didn’t understand one of my siblings actions (which was often) When I did I could usually understand that they were thinking unless I was being stubborn (which was often). So now that I have an opportunity to talk to kids I share my mistakes so they don’t make the same ones.
Being inclusive takes courage. From the minute you start school you’re put in social groups. You’re the smart one, the athletic one, the problem child, the nerd, the quiet kid, the fat kid, and so on and so on. You’re treated different for who you are, and by no means are you supposed to hang out with the social groups that are frowned upon, well unless you’re in that group. So as this social segregation begins and stereotypes start forming the social groups get cut down to two, cool kids and un cool kids. What stinks is your group is chosen for you.
Imagine being a “cool” kid and seeing an “un cool” kid sitting alone in the cafeteria. On the right side your friends are calling you over to come sit down, and on the left this “nerdy” kid is sitting with his head down hoping that time flies by so he doesn’t have to sit alone. What do you do? Do you just ignore him or do you risk getting teased by your buddies if you invite him to sit with you? If you could feel what this kid was feeling the choice would be a no brainer.
When we’re adults the social segregation continues, instead of it being how far you can throw a football we’re separated by our tax brackets, our race, where we work, what kind of car we drive, what college we went to, and the pattern continues. People are excluded for what they have or don’t have not who they are. Have the courage to change the trend and maybe others will follow suite.
This touched me so deeply. All my life I have been quite painfully shy – though I’m a good actress and most people laugh when I say that. The knowledge of how awkward one can feel in a new situation has, from childhood, moved me to ensure that nobody has to endure such a thing if I can help it; I’ve always made it a priority to make people feel at ease and welcomed whenever I can. But – and I can say this safely, having travelled so much I’m now seen as a stranger wherever I go, even in the country of my birth – too few people are willing to embrace the newcomer, or those who don’t yet belong. There is an intrinsic fear of anything or anyone who is different to the norm – a suspicion, if you will. Add to that the fear of ostracisation by one’s ‘tribe’, clique, or peer group, the fear of derision for being unconventional and stepping outside of the group’s morés to welcome a stranger – and it’s a very powerful dissuader. If only more people would make your most important rule their own rule, Cornell – wouldn’t the world be a kinder, more tolerant, more understanding place? How very blessed your students are!
Very inspiring story! It’s so useful and can teach people in any kind of activity in life. I remember my childhood and all problem I had to face during. That’s a good job for every one of us to be empathy people in objective to help others, specially kids and young adult. Thanks for sharing!