It’s amazing how much time people waste talking negatively about others. In our society it’s looked at as normal. It’s office cooler talk at work, or kids just being kids in school but I see it as something completely different. I see it as someone taking one of the most precious things we have in our lives, which is time and throwing it away to bash another person.

It’s to the point where we can’t escape it. Through written media there’s columnist bashing the president, or the mayor, or some other celebrity or person in the limelight. On the internet there’s thousands of sites bashing people for how they look, their race, or religious beliefs. Our first amendment rights allow us freedom of speech, with that being said it’s probably safe to say that the very amendment meant to empower us is used today to humilate other human beings.

When we’re little our parents talk to us about sticks and stones. They say how words should not and cannot hurt us. Then we get to kindergarden and some kid calls us a poopy head. Next thing you know we’re ready to fight or cry and we leave school thinking that even though our parents might know santa they have no idea about the whole words can’t hurt us thing.

Growing up in a big family being called names were part of the territory. I ended up hearing so many of them at home that by the time I got to school it was almost like I had a shield that repelled hurtful words. That’s not saying that some words didnt slice through that armor but thanks to my family’s wisecracks my skin was a little bit thicker than others.

Not everyone has that luxury. When I was in high school and I guess even college for that matter I considered it “joking around” I had no idea (until someone would get mad) that sometimes my jokes might be taken seriously. That’s when I started to realize that not everyone has a nutty family that sits around the table making fun of each other and that my words could have a powerful affect on someone else (in this case a negative one).

You would figure that as we got older that eventually all the name calling would stop. Instead it evolves. Now if becomes people saying things like “how in the world did he/she get that promotion”? The words said still hurt and are intended to harm the individual.

“It seems like there’s always plenty of time in the day to talk about others, but never enough to concentrate on ourselves”

Part of the training i do with kids for basketball is mental preparation. I have spent countless hours trying to help players become mentally tough. It always amazes me how difficult a task this is. Kid’s that are in high school still harbor the negative words that might of been said to them in middle school by a coach, parent, or another player. They take the words so personally that it stays with them as they get older, so if their told “you’re not a good shooter”, instead of going out and working on their shot, they just don’t shoot.

It’s the same thing off the court. We allow negative words to stop us from taking a shot at things. Instead of saying “I dont care what anyone else says I know I can do it”, we say “maybe their right, maybe I’m not good enough.” we allow others words hinder our forward progress.

“Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but listening to them is only up to you”

Words only have the power you give them. If you don’t believe in what’s being said then it doesn’t matter what is said. As coaches we always tell kids “if we’re not yelling at you then you should be worried”. I guess the same holds true in life, if people are spending part of their day talking about you than obviously you must be doing something right.