I was listening to a speaker by the name of Les Brown in my car yesterday. He was giving a seminar about greatness and told the audience to write down everyone they hated on a piece of paper.
I was confused at first, and was wondering why someone who is so positive would have people do such a negative action. Les Brown then said when he first made his hate list he almost ran out of paper.
Once they were finished the audience was instructed to then rip their list up. The message was to not waste another minute stressing about people that are “toxic” in their lives. Les Brown called them “emotional vampires”, that feed off of stressing us out, raising hell, and creating drama.
After listening to this I started to wonder who would be on my list if I made one. Was there anyone on this planet that I hated? Was there someone that wronged me to the point where they consumed my thoughts, and took my focus off of living my life. I realized there wasn’t anyone that I actually hated, but there were definitely a couple of people that I strongly disliked, and for really good reasons. The next thing I started pondering was how was my dislike for them going to benefit me. Yeah I guess it could make me feel good for a second or two to vent about how horrible these people are, but how about after that? What would it accomplish?
I use to think that you should never completely give up on someone. I was a blind optimist that truly believed that at some point everyone ends up eventually getting it. The truth of the matter is that some people just don’t. Their hell bent on being who they are no matter what you say or do. Eventually they might snap out of it but its not going to be on your watch. So move on and let it go. Legendary basketball coach Don Meyer has an awesome quote he says, “Don’t wrestle with a pig because you’ll both get muddy and the pig likes it”. Why waste time being negative to someone who lives in negativity?
Last year my business got sued by someone that had nothing better to do with their life than try to ruin mine. Saying that I was upset would be a huge understatement. We ended up settling and having to pay money that could have went towards a million other things. I held that anger with me for a long time. I couldn’t believe that someone would try to damage something I love so much, but now I ask myself what does that anger accomplish? Does it reverse the lawsuit? Does it put the money back in my pocket? No it just brings more negative energy into my life. When negative things happen to our players on the basketball court we tell them, “Next Play”. Which basically means don’t lose your focus on the now by concentrating on the back then. The same theory can be applied in life.
If you live present that means the moment someone wrongs you, you’re already getting them out of your system. You’re moving on, letting go of the nonsense, and focusing on something way more important, which is you. So maybe you have a list and maybe you don’t, but if there is one throw it out and keep it moving!!
Wonderful blog, Cornell! I used to reflect often on the hurts and injustices I collected over the years. When I was handed the biggest injustice I’d ever encountered, I didn’t know whether to curl up and die, or wreak revenge. As I’ve said before, you, your words and wisdom were a Godsend. Now, if I ever do look back, I am filled with gratitude for lessons learned. Not bitter lessons – but lessons of wisdom and strength. If you allow it, endured pain becomes your cure. Though the hurt endured was intense, I am so much better for the experience. It would have been inconceivable for me to smile and whisper a prayer of thanks for such pain – but I do now. Through darkness comes light and I suspect, my dear friend, that you knew that all along.