Time goes by so fast sometimes it’s hard for us to keep track of everything. How could we with work, school, kids, bills, etc? It begins to get to the point where we don’t know whether we re coming or going. As I write this I’m currently in Chicago for a basketball tournament. Last night I met up with a good friend of mine from college that I haven’t seen in ten years. We sat at the bar (water for me) laughing and joking like we were back at school. We didn’t miss a beat, we teased each other now about the same things we did back then, like our old coaches cough, and how bad my friends English was when he first got to the states (he s from Yugoslavia). After he left I was left wondering why we haven’t talked more.
Last week I called about four people that I haven’t talked to in a year or so. Most the phone numbers were still the same, except for one. It’s funny when you randomly call someone that you don’t talk to on a regular basis, first there’s an awkward pause as if you’re going to inform them that they owe you money, or that you want them to invest in a pyramid scheme. Then after that moment usually you pick right back up where you left off. You get off the phone wondering why you don’t hang out anymore, or why you don’t at least make a better effort to talk, or in some cases it confirms why you don’t do either of those things.
“Time can turn best friends into strangers if you let it”
This isn’t just about reconnecting with old friends there’s plenty of times I have gone weeks without calling one of my brothers or my sister. Granted you can’t quit work and spend all day calling friends and family saying hello. Well you could but it would be a little strange, especially for the people that you contacted every day, but you can make the effort to reach out to someone and see how their doing.
Sometimes I’ll call, text, or message a friend of mine and they’ll say they were just thinking about me or I’d find out that something was bothering them and they didn’t have anyone to talk to. If I never made that call I would of never known that something was wrong or that I was on their mind like they were on mine. It’s like everyone is afraid to make the first call. It’s almost like getting someone’s phone number at a bar, you don’t want to seem desperate so you play it cool, and you wait two weeks to call the guy/girl you met. Then you spend the first ten minutes explaining to the girl or guy that you were the one with the black pants and white t-shirt that said “party animal” on the front of it. (click) Shouldn’t of waited!!
A great example in my personal life is when I had a good friend who I lost touch with. We knew each other for years, and we have always been (and still are close friends) but at this point I kind of forgot about our friendship. We didn’t talk, we never hung out like we used to, and to be honest I felt like I reached out enough times where I shouldn’t have to anymore. So it was pretty much out of sight out of mind. About five months went by, and I saw my friend outside the gym, I was walking out the same time he was and we just started talking. That was when I found out there were a lot of things going on in his life and the only reason we didn’t talk was because he wasn’t comfortable opening up about it. We ended up talking for about two hours that night and the more we talked the worse I felt.
Here I was giving up on a friendship because I felt slighted that my friend wasn’t reaching out as much as I was. Like there’s some friendship quota that you have to reach every week that determines if you’re a good friend or not. He was going through some rough times and at any point during that five month period I could of made it better.
This happens all the time. Friends, family, etc. Instead of finding out if something’s wrong we just ignore the situation, or get mad and cut the person off altogether.
“You’ll never know a persons situation unless you ask them about it”
It’s so much easier to disconnect with someone than reconnect. Reconnecting takes effort and in some cases a little bit of humility. Disconnecting takes no effort whatsoever. Just remember that the if you do decide to disconnect, you could be giving up on someone that really needs you.
