My whole life I’ve never been a big fan of traveling. My mother is from Virginia which is about a five hour drive from where I used to live in Passaic. Maybe it was because the six of us used to pack into a cramped monte carlo for the ride up, or maybe it was that I was squished in between two of my older brothers, both who were at that point in time bigger than I was, which made the ride a little claustrophobic. Whatever the reason was I dreaded getting in the car to go anywhere that wasn’t within an hour radius of my house.

Growing up I can remember only a couple of times when my family traveled out of the state. One time was to Florida right after my father passed, so I was about five years old and the other time was when we went to upstate New York on a family vacation. The Virginia trips I don’t count because in my mind it was Thomas family tradition. So as I got older traveling was the last thing on my mind. Even when my friends used to tell me about their summer vacations traveling all over the states; it was still never a big deal in my mind. The interest just wasn’t there  and I justified it by saying to myself that I went to college in North Dakota, and if that wasn’t traveling I didn’t know what was.

Then when I started coaching basketball my window of opportunity seemed like it passed me by. I was busy all the time with coaching and training kids so there was no way I could actually get up and leave now.

“On matters of self, you can find time or you can make time”

Two years ago out of the blue I told my wife that I was going to California to go train jiu jitsu (a martial art I’ve been taking for 4 years) I’ve never been to California before in my life, I didn’t know anyone out there, and money wise it wasn’t like I had the funds to just pick up and leave. But something told me that I needed to go so I did. In New Jersey my phone was always ringing or buzzing with a text, it would be someone that wanted training, or a friend who needed my help, one of the players I coached, or a kid I trained that wanted to talk. With all those different groups contacting me it was hard not to be on the phone all the time, and being that I always try to help someone that needs it, having “free time” was almost impossible.

When I arrived in California I rented a car and stayed at a Days Inn on Santa Monica Boulevard. I was about five minutes away from the beach and forty five minutes from the training facility I was going to. I woke up every day with no agenda. I knew I wanted to train at some point during the day but I decided I’d go whenever I felt like it. I ate by myself, drove around by myself, and walked around by myself. After the first day I started leaving my phone in my hotel room. My mind was so clear, it was something that I never experienced up until that point. It was almost like I was on another plane. For the first time in a long time I spent time thinking about myself.

It was this feeling of freedom that was hard to explain. I’m not the kind of person that just concentrates on himself. I rather hear someone else’s issues and help them figure out the next step rather than “burden” others with my own. But when I was in California I had time to think about myself and what path I was on at the time. It gave me a chance to re-evaluate my life and ask myself questions. Am I doing what I love? Am I doing everything in my power to achieve my dreams? These questions are hard to ask when you live a hectic life. The next thing you know you’re at the end of it wishing you could go back and do it all over again.

After my trip I looked at everything different. I wanted to go to more places and explore what was out there. I realized that I was missing so much by just staying in my own little bubble. So I went to a coach’s clinic in Las Vegas by myself and then I went back to California the next year and competed in a jiu jitsu tournament. This time when I went back to California  I took a two hour ride to San Diego to see how it was out there. I met up with a coaching friend of mine and went to the beach, downtown, and even a baseball game. I wanted to make sure I didn’t just stay in one area. Throw in a trip to Indianapolis for the final four that same year and I traveled more in 2 years than I have my whole life. My friends would ask me how can you just go there alone without knowing anyone? And I’d let them know how it easy it was; I booked a flight, got on the plane, and went.

A couple of months ago I was talking to a really close friend of mine. She was in a rut and wanted to get away for a little bit, the only problem was she had no one to go with. Her boyfriend was away and none of her family or friends could make a trip. So I started telling her about my trip to California and at the end of the conversation she said that she was going to do the same thing. I was so impressed with her for not waiting for the perfect opportunity to take some time for herself. She booked a flight went to San Francisco and had a great time. This week we’re going to meet up so I can hear all about about her trip.

“Sometimes the only person you need is yourself “

There are so many people that depend on someone else. Girls that cant go to the bathroom alone, guys that cant approach a girl by themselves, kids that would never eat in the cafeteria alone. We sometimes forget that its hard to focus on ourselves with others around. We need that alone time every once in a while to keep things in perspective. If you have a bucket list before you leave this earth I would say take a trip anywhere you want,  don’t worry about money, or work, or anything else. Just go for a couple of days and focus on you. While you’re there turn off the cell phone for most of the day and just relax. When you get back you’ll look at life a lot differently.